When you find yourself with no direction, no next step what do you do? How do you figure out what comes next for you? How do you calm all the nerves and the thoughts telling you that there’s nothing out there for you? It’s supposed to call out to you right? When you see it, or hear it, or feel it, you’re supposed to know and then chase after that thing that is next for you. What happens, though, when it is nowhere in sight? What instead calls out to you to fill the space left behind? That I can answer at least.
L’appel du vide is a term I have come to know very well lately. It is a French term by definition meaning, the call of the void. Now don’t take any of this darkly. All that simply means is that l’appel du vide is the urge you get to toss yourself off of high places even though you have no real desire to do so. L’appel du vide is the voice is your head asking you to allow yourself to fall into the river, be swept away, and never be seen from again. It is the call to run into the wilderness and disappear. When you are in a situation you don’t particularly want to be in or a situation in which your choices are very limited the void will always call out to you because it’s your brain’s way of taking the strongest option in the moment. Even if that does mean completely annihilating yourself in the process.
This all comes back to what are you supposed to do when what comes next for you is not happening. When you have no options to chose from, when your situation is not changing, l’appel du vide becomes the strongest urge out there.
I don’t find myself compelled by it, just intrigued. The thought of floating down the river or disappearing over the next mountain is only making me realize that if the options aren’t coming to me I have to go out and find them. Then again how am I supposed to go out and find options when I have no idea in which direction I should start?
Last week I told you guys about stopping my writing project that I have been working on for years and that I was only going to write in this blog and pick up writing in my journal again. Well I have kept to that. I haven’t been able to put ink in my journal every day, but I have been doing pretty well with writing out everything. Honestly I’m not too sure how well the journal is helping. Right now it’s nothing more than hopeless whine fest. To write in my journal is therapeutic in the moment, but otherwise I don’t believe it is helping all that much. I’m going to keep writing in it though, because what else am I supposed to do right now?
I have so many ideas swimming around in my mind right now, but I can’t bring myself to start on any. No single idea calls out to me strongly enough for me to spend the next years of my life with it. L’appel du vide is my friend right now and I’ll keep dwelling on all that it means until I find my ‘next’.
For those of you who do not quite understand and would like a verbal account of what l’appel du vide means please check out this YouTuber, Dan Howell (AKA: danisnotonfire) for a better description than I could ever give you. No, seriously watch this video, this man is brilliant!